"I'm back

Hi everybody! I'm finally back and ready to write. First, it's only fair to explain where I've been. Last August, I had a heart attack, this completely threw me for a loop. All I know is I had trouble breathing and my arms and stomach hurt. This scared the HELL out of me. It's been a little over 6 months and although physically I am not 100%, mentally I'm starting to feel like me again. This scared me so much I didn't feel normal. I still worry it will happen again (Please God, NO!) but I'm not as consumed as I was with those thoughts.

I've had time to do a lot of soul-searching, shed a bucket of tears and stared at my youngest trying to engrave his image in my brain. I worried for him and still do. I lost my mother at 15 years of age. I want to raise him, see him get married and meet the man he is going to become. So far, he is a wonderful young man. It was some of my darkest days I could think of him or see him and it would pull me out of that place.

I have thought of everything I ever did wrong to anyone and asked God to forgive me. None of us are perfect and I had many flaws to consider. I have prayed with every step I take that God spares me for a long time yet. I'm not done with my life. There is so many things I want to see and do. Things in my life that need mending. Apologies that need to be said, phone calls I have put off, friendships I have to fix,

Of all that came from this crisis in my life, my husband and Kyle were so strong and let me lean on them. They held me when I cried, they were at John's Hopkins hospital every day the 7 days I was there, they saw and still see to it I have everything I need. They are very loving and make me treasure the family I have left. Eric is very comforting when he comes to visit me. David and Kara have been wonderful to me as well. There is nothing more important than your family and nothing greater than to have your family by your side when you are scared and sick.

I realized during the first couple of months hearing my friends and family tell me they loved me were the sweetest words one can ever hear when scared. I have also realized that for whatever mistakes one makes in life, there is nothing that cannot be resolved, they just take time. Patience is really a virtue. It takes a lot to feel normal after a heath crisis.

Thank you my dear sweet family for all you've done for me.