"I'm back

Hi everybody! I'm finally back and ready to write. First, it's only fair to explain where I've been. Last August, I had a heart attack, this completely threw me for a loop. All I know is I had trouble breathing and my arms and stomach hurt. This scared the HELL out of me. It's been a little over 6 months and although physically I am not 100%, mentally I'm starting to feel like me again. This scared me so much I didn't feel normal. I still worry it will happen again (Please God, NO!) but I'm not as consumed as I was with those thoughts.

I've had time to do a lot of soul-searching, shed a bucket of tears and stared at my youngest trying to engrave his image in my brain. I worried for him and still do. I lost my mother at 15 years of age. I want to raise him, see him get married and meet the man he is going to become. So far, he is a wonderful young man. It was some of my darkest days I could think of him or see him and it would pull me out of that place.

I have thought of everything I ever did wrong to anyone and asked God to forgive me. None of us are perfect and I had many flaws to consider. I have prayed with every step I take that God spares me for a long time yet. I'm not done with my life. There is so many things I want to see and do. Things in my life that need mending. Apologies that need to be said, phone calls I have put off, friendships I have to fix,

Of all that came from this crisis in my life, my husband and Kyle were so strong and let me lean on them. They held me when I cried, they were at John's Hopkins hospital every day the 7 days I was there, they saw and still see to it I have everything I need. They are very loving and make me treasure the family I have left. Eric is very comforting when he comes to visit me. David and Kara have been wonderful to me as well. There is nothing more important than your family and nothing greater than to have your family by your side when you are scared and sick.

I realized during the first couple of months hearing my friends and family tell me they loved me were the sweetest words one can ever hear when scared. I have also realized that for whatever mistakes one makes in life, there is nothing that cannot be resolved, they just take time. Patience is really a virtue. It takes a lot to feel normal after a heath crisis.

Thank you my dear sweet family for all you've done for me.

Catching Up...

I want to take the time to catch up on what's been happening here in Hollyrock. I took time off due to health issues but I am feeling better now.

*Kyle returned home from his vacation, he had a great time. He went swimming in the ocean, played miniature golf, shopped for shark teeth. The boy loves shark teeth. He found some along the beach line. He was happy to get home. I think he missed us more than he expected to. He came home tanned, healthy and happy. We missed him so much too.

* So far, it's been a quiet summer. We have had long, lazy days since Kyle came home and terrific weather here.We had a wonderful Father's Day with some of the boys here and my in-laws. My father-in-law looks great and I think he really enjoyed himself while he was here. My mother-in-law was sporting a new Vera Bradley bag (who knew) that was gorgeous. I loved the print! I've bought three so far but I really favor the Black Microfiber.

* Certainly lost quite a bit of icons in June. Losing Farrah was expected but still wish she had been able to fight it. I'm sure her poor body was tired. At least now her suffering is over and she lived a pretty magical life.
Michael Jackson was the huge shocker! Not to dismiss his family's grief, I know the feeling of a loss of a brother and I'm sure his parents are reeling as well. But...knowing it was his own negligence makes it worse. The man was a great entertainer but the media hype is just over-board.

*Fourth of July was a good day. My husband and Kyle celebrated more than I did. I wasn't feeling too great. I found out in June that I have moved into the fourth stage out of five with kidney failure. So, now the search for a kidney begins in order to alleviate dialysis. I am hoping in August to be on the list for one. I am on a medicine that hopefully will raise my kidney functions some.

Well...that about wraps it up for summer here. School will be right around the corner. I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer.

Carol Cusick

Farrah Fawcett - 1947-2009

"An angel left us - to be with our heavenly angels above..."
-Carol Cusick

My Son's Summer Vacation

My son left for his summer vacation last Saturday. It has been a lonely, long week. I didn't realize how much I'd miss his company. My husband is feeling it too. He's our baby, the apple of my eye and being a 'tween' - he is growing up to fast for me. I want to hold him back but I know I can't. I wouldn't. I wouldn't deprive him of the happiness he is experiencing with his father's family.

He's having a wonderful time with his paternal Grandparents, Aunts & Uncles and their children. He calls everyday (just about) but I can tell he's loving life. He's staying in a big beach house that has an elevator. He didn't trust it at first but now he loves getting in it. He's lazing it up in a hammock, a hot tub and going to the beach. He loves sharks teeth and told me last night he has a couple more now. I know he's having a blast and it's good for him but missing him is awful. I can't wait to see his tan, smiling face this Saturday when he gets back!! I know he will seem taller, the other boys always did if they went away for a short time.

Today is 'hump day' so the worst is over, now I have just a few more days to look forward to his homecoming. I have always kept my children close when they are young so letting him go off with others is hard for me. I just know that this Saturday he will be hugged and kissed till he screams "STOP IT, MOM!" LOL!!

I wonder - does the day ever come when you don't miss your children so much?

Carol Cusick

"Congratulations Class of 2009!!!"

"CLASS OF 2009"

All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose....Brian Tracy

Summer

To see the Summer Sky Is Poetry, though never in a Book it lie … True Poems flee” ~Emily Dickinson

There is a smell in the air, it's summer again! I love it!! The air smells of fresh cut grass, trees are full with new foliage as new flowers bloom in the garden. The sky is so blue with white, fluffy clouds and the sun beams down with gentle heat. Many live for this time of year. It's like a 'new beginning' for everyone. Nothing seems unobtainable, the sky is the limit! Fresh-faced graduates are facing a new phase of their lives. Little ones are leaving school for their yearly vacations. Everyone is happy!

Just the music from birds warbling brings back memories that were securely tucked away in our brains. Mine would have to be "My First Kiss". I was 13, Rodney was too. It was softball season and I had moved from the street I grew up on. I only moved six blocks away. One clear, summer night I was in my old neighborhood and it was time to go home. Rod offered to walk me halfway. As we walked, he was dressesd in his baseball uniform, I was in shorts and a T-shirt. We talked about the fun we had that day.
He gently hugged me with laughter and before I knew it, he was kissing me! Every hormonal circuit in me shot to high voltage. It was so innocent, so unexpected but yet so sweet....